My New Blog

Graduation is this Saturday.  Let me tell you, I’ve never been quite this scared.  It’s a scary thing.  I’m moving into uncharted waters, getting in over my head.  Before you know it, it will be time for college.  Time to move on to the next stage.  Going to college.  It just dawned on me that I need to pick a summer advising day and turn in that blessed financial aid paperwork.  I need to find a job and figure out how all that is going to work this summer.  I can’t wait to have my own money to spend.  I’m going to love days like tomorrow though.  The only thing that I have to do is cash a graduation present check, then go get my nails done.  My aunt wanted me to get them done for the first time for graduation.  I’ve never had them done before and I’m going to have a hard time justifying spending that much money on something as trivial as my nails, but I guess I’m going to do it.  That’s what she wants me to do with the money, so I’m going to go for it.  I’m so excited though!  Even though I hate the way those nail places smell.

I can’t wait to see where life will take me.

However, the thoughts in my mind are running rampant.  I’m so scatter brained and I can’t focus for more than five minutes at a time.  I’m thinking that my best option is to sleep and to try again tomorrow, but I just need to drag my butt to bed first.  That’s usually the problem.  Once I plop my fat arse in this chair, I usually have a hard time getting it back up.  It’s always easier said than done, of course.

Today I worked all three lunches at school to get people signed up for the blood drive.  That went over pretty well.  Cute girl in shirt with big boobs coming up to you to coerce you into signing up for something or buying something, it always works well.  One of the things that Key Club and Journalism have taught me–use your womanly assets to sell things or get people to do what you want them to do.  Rarely do I have a high failure rate.  I guess that’s one of the benefits of being beautiful?  xD

I’ve mentioned my love life on here a few times before, but I’m feeling like rambling about that some more tonight.  I don’t know where things are headed or where I see myself romantically in the near future.  I want to have a relationship, but I’m not sure who I want to have a relationship with.  None of the people in my life right now are people that I see myself with.  It’s hard.  I’m used to things being a lot easier, but relationships are so complex right now.  I’ve got a million and one walls up since the Robert incident, however, whatever I do to change that obviously isn’t working out.

I’ve worried about people reading through my old Xanga account because it’s one of the top hits on google for my username.  I use that name for many things, such as my Quizlet.com account.  Quizlet is a great website that allows you to enter vocabulary terms, then study them.  If you are trying to learn any terms right now, I strongly suggest it.  I use it for all of my definitions.  It’s a great help for me, personally.

My family came over yesterday for our big Thanksgiving supper.  I’m rather glad that all of the hoop-la surrounding that is over.  People are coming over again tonight to help eat up some of the leftovers, thank goodness.

I need to start writing in a journal again.  I used to write in my journal religiously, but I’ve been slacking.  There are so many thoughts that I have that get thrown to the back of my mind because I am not journaling.  If I ever want to be able to write a novel, I’ll need those journals for my materials.

Sometimes I wonder if what I’d pictured is what I’d really want.  Sometimes I’m glad that things have turned out the way that they have turned out.  Sometimes I take little moments out of the day to thank goodness that I’m where I’m at right now.  I believe that everything happens for a reason, sometimes I just don’t know the reason.

If some of the bad things hadn’t occurred in my life, who knows where I would stand today.  It’s hard to be in this situation, but I do all that I can.  I’m putting one foot in front of the other and moving forward in the only way that I know how.  I’m trying to form relationships and bonds with people that will be good to me, however, I’m keeping one thing in the back of my mind.  In August, I’m leaving this little podunk town.  Where I’m going, no one knows.  College somewhere.  And when I leave none of these people will matter anymore.

Ultimately, I’m not here to make friends.  I’m here to advance myself to the next stage in life and that’s something that I need to remind myself of everyday.  It’s easier said than done, of course.  I don’t want the next couple of months to be miserable, but I have to ultimately do what is right for myself.

Click here.

That link above allows you to vote for my school in the Kohl’s Cares contest on Facebook.  As someone who has watched her world unravel slowly, the funds from this could change everything.  If we were to win this contest, our lives would be turned upside down.  Things that we had never even dreamed of would suddenly be possible, all because people are voting for us and thinking of us.  Now is one of those times that I can’t use my words to put on paper (or in this case, on the computer screen) how I feel about this.  I love the people I go to school with, I love our building, I love the spirits that fill it.

We’ve struggled with so much.  We’re backwoods, rough and tough… but it’s hard living here.  The paper mill which controlled everything has shut down.  Every night, I’m thankful that I’ll be at college by the time the severance pay really runs out.  I can’t even bear the thought of watching the loud and proud area I’ve known my whole life wither into a shell of what it once was.

One of the only ways we can change things is through education.  If we educate our boys, then they won’t grown up to work in a paper mill or work at VDOT like their fathers do (or did).  They’ll find something better, they’ll make something better of themselves.  If we educate our girls, they’ll be more than the desperate housewives who are now faced with the idea of having to work to earn money for their families when they haven’t worked a day in their lives, they’ve always stayed at home.

The fact that this contest has ignited hope in me means so much to me, I would love to see us win.  I realize that this is most likely a pipe dream, but I’m hoping this pipe dream will come true.

The best gift ever, I must say.

Me posing alone with Sally, great view of her gorgeous color!

I have enjoyed driving Sally and getting adjusted to my new car.  I have not gone anywhere alone yet, however, I have ridden with my friends places.  I’ve enjoyed going off into the sunset with my beautiful new car.  When I drove her for the first time in the sunshine, I met another PT Cruiser on the road.  The female driver waved at me, it was super cool.  I honked at another PT later that day.  I see a lot of older people smile at me when they see me in my car, I don’t know why though.  My father thinks it is because these cars look like older cars, so it makes them think about when they were younger.

I have taken Sally to the batting cage, loaded down with both mine and my sister’s equipment.  She sure can haul some stuff, let me tell you!  There is so much space in this car, more than you’d expect for as little as she is.  I love my Sally.

Now that all that has been taken care of, there is nothing left to do but bring home the perfect car.  Mama, Daddy, and I have searched and searched.  We have looked at Pontiac Vibes, Pontiac g5s, Pontiac g6s, the Toyota Yaris, Honda Fit (which I fell in love with, but are too expensive even used), Mustangs, Chevy Cobalts, PT Cruisers, Mini Coopers, etc.  I’m so tired of cars.

I’ve sat in cars with leather seats, I’ve sat in clean cars, dirty cars.  I have sat in cars with heated and cooled seats, heated and cooled cupholders, cars with ten cupholders, cars with storage compartments… and I could go on and on.  I’m just ready to get a car already.  My mother does not like me driving her vehicle and it’s inconvenient for me.  I’m home all day, with no vehicle basically.  I am insured to drive everything sitting in the yard.  When my father leaves for work, there are two vehicles left (two are gone–Mama driving Jeep, Daddy driving little truck).  The two vehicles are a freaking HUGE Dodge cab and a half and a stick shift Dodge truck.  Can’t drive stick and I hate driving that truck because I can’t see, especially with the camper shell on it.  So I’m stranded, until they get me a car.  Mama is working on a big project at work right now, but it is due at noon on Friday.  She is planning on taking Friday afternoon off from work to go car shopping with me, again.  I have been to look at cars about five times, sometimes going to multiple car lots (the most was four car lots in one of those trips).  I’m just ready for her to purchase me the right vehicle and for me to get driving it!

This weekend is also a HUGE weekend, because our All Star team is traveling three hours to play in a USFA tournament in Dunn, NC.  It’s going to be a long weekend.  We are leaving early Saturday morning, spending the night so we won’t have to come back up on Sunday.  My sister is not coming with us, she is staying home to receive lessons since this will be the last weekend before her surgery.  She is being operated on not this Friday, but the next.

Anyway, that’s all I have to say.  I really need to drag myself to bed.

As many of you may know, I’m seventeen years old.  I wasn’t much on the driving thing, but I’m currently enrolled in Behind the Wheel and next Wednesday, I will have my license.  I am excited, however, I’d be MUCH more excited if I had a car.  *ahem parents, get on that*

The woman that is my instructor is crazy.  I’ve listened to her tell stories about the abuse of her father (sexually abused her), how her mother didn’t love her and want her, her first husband was abusive, etc.  It’s like we are her therapist.  I’m glad that I’m doing this with my friend, Maria, if not… I would go insane.  Some of her stories are so crazy that I have to bite my lip not to laugh, even though they are usually horrible.  I don’t know what to say to some of the stuff she tells me, either.

I have gotten some good knitting done, to say the least.  Ravelry is currently updating their pattern classification system, so I’ve been helping to organize patterns.  I have done over 100 so far, which is good.  They are giving out some sort of prizes for people who help with the pattern classification.  I sincerely hope to earn a prize of some sorts, since I have worked so hard.

These are my latest creations.

However, I tried the sock on and an elephant could wear it.  EEEKKK.  I’m going to finish the second sock in the same manner and hopefully they will shrink or something.  Or I’ll give them away.  I’m not sure what I’ll do with them.  UGH.